the brightest star in a pocket full of skies. Black and white is never so simple.
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[03 Jan 2006|01:16am]

trash_stache
IS RE-OPENED!
SORRY FOR THE SPAM WE WILL DELETE IT IF YOU WISH.
16 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[30 Dec 2004|04:04pm]





32 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[30 Jun 2004|11:06pm]
Image hosting by Photobucket

p.s., layout help.
85 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[29 Jun 2004|01:11pm]
[ mood | okay ]

so things are going good right now.

headed off to san fransisco in a few days, thursday actually.

that should be exciting.

i opened up my blurty and am scared that i will soon forget my dear livejournal and live off of blurty. which is a sad, sad thing.

so i'm alternating posts.

apparantly jared called me the other night, which i find quite...humorous. lord help me, i know i spelled that wrong.

well anyways, the weather here has been absolutely delightful, but now i'm ready for some sun. what do you say?.

emily and i layed out in the hammock this morning for a total of 13 minutes, but it felt like more, right?

nadia we need to get coffee or something before thursday because i'm afraid i'll never see my love again!!.

no but seriously.

oh, and a few things i need to get done before i leave.
1- clean my room
2- ORGANIZE and throw stuff out in my closet, thats crazy.
3- grab coffee with nadia...
4- finish background reading for the illiad.
5- do laundry.

hmm. should i do one of those things today? i'm not quite sure, but i think i should.

i think i'll start with number two, just because that seems the most entertaining.

well i'm off, but have a great fourth of july while i'm gone.

see you in a week,

<3.

7 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

eep. [18 Jun 2004|10:11pm]
[ mood | awake ]

holy fuck- my blurty is having a seizure!.

i feel like writing right now, but i dont know what, or why.


NADIA- i tried to call you 3 times today. you didnt answer.
i dont think i have the right number.

but dont bother calling me this week, i'll be gone. even if you would- bi-ziz-otch.

um. i tried to call mike s today to. actually i didnt, considering i didnt have his # w/ me while i was waiting for my mom, but hey- i tried.

i like punctuation.

i feel like playing video games and thats sad because i've got such <3 for my video games its just...fucking crazy.

shit, i dropped the fuck bomb.

lets go find the naked cowboy girls.

p.s. the pictures are GORGEOUS.

whit-
try the meatloaf.
<3 Mo Rocca.


aaaaand i'm off.
BUT.

be safe this week and make lots of love and babies while i'm away.

for realz this time.

7 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

my brothers back. [18 Jun 2004|01:19pm]
[ mood | content ]

my brother rocks so fucking much.

i luuv 'em.

last night i hung out w/ sutula and chris- which was nice, considering i havent seen them in forever. it just reminded me how much last summer rocked.

i don't know why i've been so tired lately, but i didnt go to bed all that late last night, and i woke up juuust about an hour ago. its strange.

shit- emm has all of her stuff here. i've got to get that back to her before tomorow, obviously.

i'm actually getting excited. this should be fun. seeing alot of people i havent seen in awhile is always fun. (shit, did that make sense?). i have a feeling they'll drive me crazy by the end of the week though, but i'll live.

although i love summer to it's ashes, this rainy weather is just what i need. or...what i've needed.

i'm happy again. and i dont know why- or...maybe i do.
but you dont need to know why.

i have a feeling my mom and i aren't going to last- we'll probably move out by the end of next year. HA.

i just feel like laughing. this smile won't go away.

this was all YOUR mistake.

p.s., - see you in a week.

2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[16 Jun 2004|12:15pm]
my heart hurts.

it was the only pain i could control.
2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

rockin' out to the bright sunshine. [16 Jun 2004|10:00am]
[ mood | depressed ]

its so hard to be emo when the sun is shining.

hahahahaha.

anyways. i'm rockin' out here to some eisley, which is probably the hottest band, in a long time.

last night emm and i hung out w/ dutch, wich was great, i always love seeing the kid...he's just so damn funny.

god there were alot of people at foothills last night.

1. vallero anna some other girl, i didnt know.  that was weird, especially since a) i havent seen anna since forever, and b) i have been trying to hang out w/ that kid <vallero> for days. actually , no, but still. anways, they showed up and talked to us for a while, then got popsicles. they came back and i realized those green popsicles looked damn good. lucky bastards.

2. melendez hawaii. hHAHAHAH. haha. wow. well first we saw them walking towards the big group of us (dutch me emm anna other girl vallero) while we were takling, and they came around the corner, got a look at me and emm w/ other people, and turned around and walked the other way. dutch and i were planning on stalking them the rest of the night, but that just didnt work out. lmao. so they were walkin' around and stuff, and then they kinda dissapeared when we stopped  caring, which wasnt after very long. then we went and layed on the basketball courts, and when emm had the brilliant idea to go sit on melendez's driveway, they were to where to be found. so we sat across the street for liek, 20 minutes, waiting for them. and just as we stopped looking and went around the corner to swing, look who we see. chris and mrs. hawaii practically hidding in the shadows near the foothills sign. it was truly, truly, a sight to be seen. anyways, we figured they had went to hide there until we left so they could sneak home. and they worst part about it is...THEYRE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS. (hey, is my spelling ok? lmao.).

3. a few random 5-7th graders having a waterfight. i've never stalked someone before. and last night, i broke that, because we freaked the shit out of these little boys. emm, dutch and i stood about 50 yards away from these kids, standing in the shadows, emm w/ her hood on, me w/ my glow in the dark sweatshirt holding a mik gallon or w/e, and dutch... staring. they started to notice us and were pointing us out to the other kids. it was crazy to watch the realization spread throught the group. really, it was. so after they ran away (around the corner,) we followed them. we turn the next corner and they all fucking scatter- running, like little girls. it was really quite entertaining. and the best part was that most of them ran up dark horse, where we had to go eventually to get home. so we ventured up, and just... yeah. it was a good time.

back to the emo shit.

sometimes i forget what i did to myself.

oh...yeah.  

i dont hurt anymore.

i lied.

its hard to be happy with shit like this.

holy fuck, what mood AM i in? am i happy, or am i sad? i had a blast last night, but now, i just can't crack a smile. this is not going to work.

i'm hesitant to even post this, because of what i'll get. should i?

no i shouldnt. yes- i should.

please, dont make me cry.

but on a lighter note, haha, i got a kickass postcard from my brother yesterday. i love him so god damned much. honestly.

i love him. but i love him not being here, too.

that means i can steal all of his cds, put them on my ipod, and return them before he even knows they were gone.

but i love just sitting in his room. because its all so... its just- its so beautifully painful. i never thought it would be this hard without him.

but it is, it is so fucking hard.

i wasnt prepared for this.

i wasnt prepared for this.

I WASNT FUCKING PREPARED.

 

i'm ok, i promise. don't you dare worry- i'm going to be ok.

please.

please, just dont.

please ?

 

i dont know what i'm saying. so, don't listen. because i'm choking on my words, throwing them up and putting them on the page, this dirty, revolting page. one second i'm happy, the next i want to die. i know i CAN be happy, but is it that... i don't want to be happy? everything seems fine, but nothing really is. theres so much to worry about, and yet no one to worry about me. i think i'm going to make this friends only, as soon as i figure out how to. help, anyone? lol. i'm writting more and more whats ON my mind, not what i think i should be telling you. which is good, right? it makes for good reading, no?. i want to tell you i'm sorry. i want to scream it in your face and cry away my pain- your pain. and i want to pretend this, us, never happened. lets start it over, because it has gone so damn bad. please, i never ment to hurt you- just... just. no more words. p.s. this- us, me, you- it just isnt going to last.
join the fight

sometimes the taste of you between my cheeks will make me cry. [14 Jun 2004|07:25pm]
[ mood | angry ]

i. give. up.

sometimes the taste of cigar smoke between my cheeks can just make me cry.

4 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[14 Jun 2004|11:13am]

FUCK.

just let me know that you even care, for once.

 

just once.

9 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[13 Jun 2004|08:45pm]
[ mood | calm ]

so i'm sure countless other things are going on tonite, but yet, i'm stuck at home.

no, not stuck, just...at home.

i'm worried i'm... i'm just worried. maybe this isn't what i thought it was.

nyc was fun, i'll be posting all the pictures either later on tonite or tomrow morning. i dont really feel like talking about that though.

do you ever feel like you just want to cry?

i feel like missing someone, but i don't know who.

the nights are getting warmer and the sun stays up later, like me.

i'm out, off to see the pictures.

have an enjoyable night, with lots of love and no obscenities.

yeah, you know who you are.


HASH(0x8b6ddf8)
You are a Punk Boy Kiss! You met your cutie at that
concert last week... Instead of bringin home
some CDs and a shirt... you brought home him!


What kind of Hot Boy Kiss are you??
brought to you by Quizilla

ok, thats hott and i don't care.

HOLY FUCK- i almost forgot.

i met someone famous. yeah, thats right.

the guy from vh1's 'the best week ever' show, mo rocca.

he's a cutie too, got emo glasses haha.

well anyways, i got a picture w/ him, for proof.

*HAHAH;LAKSDJFA.A.A/...*

6 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[06 Jun 2004|07:57pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

you are so perfect to
me as you pull the hair
from my cheeks, telling me
i'm beautiful. you're smile creeps
bigger as your shoulders rise to
a soft and innocent smirk.

you say my name with such a tone
that is a dose of whine with a splash of
want. it still makes my head quirk
whenever you say it, two syllables
right?

we sit there as the wind blows loudly-so
my hair goes wild. i can't help but smile
as you move my hand from your face to your
hand. we tangle and mix like
a two piece puzzle.

once again, we're just a two piece puzzle.

we leave for new york city tomorrow, early.

this should be fun- see you in a week.

6 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

i wish so badly i could just, for once, stop thinking of you. [05 Jun 2004|10:58pm]
[ mood | restless ]

i love the sounds of running in
the dark on nights like
this where you know people are
around but no one seems to care.

i love the sounds of screaming as
loud as you fucking can
even though its selfish and a little bit absurd,
just because you hurt.

i love the sounds of traffic on rainy
nights like these, because the
tires make noises as the ground
makes its moves to fall in
love with its other half.

its getting hard to not be around you.

and harder not to be your everything.

1 innocent bystander ... join the fight

[04 Jun 2004|05:14pm]

nothing is coming out right tonight.


i can't explain how i feel about this fucking kid.

its hilarious.

and yet so incredibly frustrating at the same time, because i- aah.

i dont know why i like him so much.

thats not true. i do. but once again-
 
THERE ARE NO FUCKING WORDS.

it's more like a feeling.

no adjectives- verbs.

please, just kiss me.

kiss

KISS.

 

i wish i was emo enough to write sad poetry about you.

fuck- i do that anyways.

 

3 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[01 Jun 2004|10:11pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Night.
i love this tenderness.
traveling in the dark with your hand in mine
you put your heavy, uneven head on my shoulder
as i
walk across the bridge, holding up your hips.
if I let go, you'd walk
away from me.
and dizzily stumble into the dark
while i chase after, softly calling
your name while my
tears fall gently down my cheeks.

Day.
you ask me why i always need
a nap as you wander again on the porch.
we've sat here
for a good 2 hours hoping for something
to happen, but you know well,
nothing will.

"i feel i must interject here. you're getting carried

away feeling sorry for yourself with these

revisions and gaps in history.

so let me help you rembmer. i've made charts

and graphs that should finally make it clear.

i've prepared a letcture on why i have to leave."

                                        The Postal Service- Nothing Better.

 

i'm hooked again. i don't know why, but i got really turned off by the postal service for  a while. i think it might have made a little bit too much sense before.

 

i fall in love all over again.

p.s., shut the fuck up. you don't know what you're talking about, so just...go home. its a different boy. diferent girl, different world. its just different.
5 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[30 May 2004|10:59pm]
[ mood | amused ]

WARNING:
large pictures ahead. and hey, i don't give a fuck.
dress up.Collapse )

3 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

i love to see you smile. [30 May 2004|09:32pm]
i'm such a cool kid.

and you know it.

leave me some love.
2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

the grandma rock. [27 May 2004|12:26pm]
[ mood | content ]

leave me alone.

because its summer, and my hair is wet.


...


i had fun last night. beleive it or not. i did.

it sort of seems like a huge effin dream- a dream that floats in and out of reality.

hahaha.a . i got TPed last nite . hahahahahahaha.

it was actually very comedic. terin came home pretty late last nite and saw it, came and woke emm and i up, i was...delirious.

i dont think i was fully... with it, even then. it was still in me.


i couldnt get back to sleep because i couldnt remmeber if that whole thing was a dream. it was strange...

i feel sort of bad for the dumbass's who did it...
1) because they did a shit job, and
2) its a damn shame, it was pretty high quality toilet paper too.

emm wanted to take it camping with us.

hahahaha. i think mydad got tp'edd alot when he was little, because he knew exactly wat to do and what to use. he brought out this liek, butcher knife on a really long...pole. and it'd chop down all the tp, as well as the tree branches if you werent careful. it was hilarious.

i climbed lots of trees this morning and got scraped up, but i like it. its cool with me.

so i might not write in here for a while, it feels dumb n ow. oh well....

oh yeah, and... love your grandma, i love mine.

to death.

4 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[18 May 2004|07:21pm]
jesus fucking christ.

i can't get a word in these days.

it's 7:21 and my smile has gone to shit.

just let me sleep.
3 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

there's somethin' goin' on around here. [18 May 2004|05:20pm]
[ mood | calm ]

i fell asleep outside today and the sun beat down on my pale skin.

my top was tied too tight and left marks across my neck.

i'm finally getting my belly button piereced- this weekend. chaos. chaos.

i got my hair cut. i like it.

i'm ready now. i'm ready for summer. i'm ready for the pool, new york, and arizona. i'm ready for the sun. i'm ready for summer crushes and boys, and ready for walking all over barefoot. i'm ready for hikes and camping w/ my kickin' friends, and i'm done with school.

for now at least.

for a day or two there i thought i was drowning. is that spelled right? whatever. it makes me laugh and laughing is good. well anyways, i thought i was DROWNING in my lazyiness for a few days. while everyone else was kicking back, basking in the fact that we'll have clear sailing till schools out, i'm still in frustration.

i'm scared for tomorow.

i'm scared for the iliad and the mondo amount of shit i have to read for it.

oh well. i need to put some clothes on. i have a dentist appointment, and i have a feeling they would be a little weirded out by a girl in her bikini walking in for a checkup.


ah ha haha.

god i hate those boys. everytime i open my mouth, they HAVE to say something stupid, or make fun of me. whatever. i'm getting quite sick of it these days, and i'm glad this shit didn't start earlier in the year.

i am also pissed off that they're still talking about me and bob. thats done, and over with. they're bringing that shit up around gogan and its really making me mad. i've told them too, and i'm gotten up on them for it before. but they think its hilarious.

i just think its getting old.

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its so sunny it kills me. [10 May 2004|06:58pm]
the things i do to the people i love- shouldn't be allowedCollapse )
11 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. [09 May 2004|10:49am]
go give your mom a hug.
2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[06 May 2004|08:27pm]
it was 98 degrees today in Kansas.

98 EFFIN DEGREES. THAT IS NOT NORMAL ON THE 6TH OF MAY.

i sat in the car for 6 hours. i saw lots of men in cowboy hats. i started 'the poisonwood bible'.

my grandpa passed. most of you knew that. i think.

thats why we were gone for a mere 26 hours, and in the car for 12 of those hours.

one of my favorite memories about my grandpa was his 'driving hat'. one thing you should know is that, i've never met anyone who LIKES to drive as much as grandpa ted.

he would drive for hours and hours, circling hays, and the campus. he'd go to walmart or go see the buffalo, but damn, he loved that lincoln.

so anyways, he always wore a white bucket hat while driving 'his rounds'. it sat very lightly ontop of his balding head, looking as if a quiet breeze could knock it off in one breath. i used to make fun of him, saying no one wears those anymore, and, that he only puts it on to impress those buffalo. but one of those hot summer days, he came back ritorically,

" Nina, this hat is DAPPER."

the car erupted in laughter as we turned the corner and i asked shyly what 'dapper' exactly meant. he explained to me that back in his day, 'dapper' meant what we call 'hott'. or, handsome. he made me wear it around the rest of the day.

i was crying i laughed so hard that day.

so when i finally saw my grandma this morning, she reached for the hat rack and pulled off that white bucket hat. the driving hat.

she turned to me and she said, "ted wanted you to have this."

i've never felt so close to important in my whole damned life.
2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

optional emotions [04 May 2004|05:28pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

i watched the moon crash into venus.
i saw the shadow on the kissing camels.
we danced so close that night-
it almost scared me.
'could feel your heart beat
in your hand.

you pulled me closer in the darkness-
and i looked down to see your tears.
i wish that we could stay together
where no one sees us, no one cares.

damn i wish i could write.

p.s. ***pass the cheese of tub its***


i haven't felt like writing.

7 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[29 Apr 2004|08:07am]
whoa- i'm doing this at school. i think i'm so cool. baaaah!
9 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

she dreams in color. [28 Apr 2004|09:09pm]
[ mood | okay ]

i took some random pictures tonite i thought you all might enjoy for a bit.
she dreams in colorCollapse )

5 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[27 Apr 2004|09:15pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

ook...so...

people are starting to make me laugh about this whole continuation thing. i mean, yeah, i'm excited, but not to the point of going out and buying 7 dresses, going home, trying them all on AGAIN in the mirror, then returning the dissatisfying group. yes, i want a dress, yes, i'm excited, but no, i'm not wearing pink on black, no, no bows, and NO DAMNIT I DONT HAVE MY DRESS ALREADY.

emm-i know you try. and i know you're kidding about gogan and i, but i also know it bothers you. sometimes though, i'm afraid to give him a hug and stuff if you're around. i know its probably just me, but i'm scared you'll yell at me. *aah! scary emily!* i'm just afraid a stupid thing like this who PDGA *god i'm so cool* could affect our friendship- if it already hasnt in some way... anyways, this is my .02 cents of the typical drama. bla bla bla.

ok so if anyone would like to sell me some hot pink leggings- *footless tights* that would be absolutely wonderful. i have the coolest freakin idea, and i can't do it without those suckers.

i'm bored and have to do hw. poop. i might try and look decent tomorrow, compared to today, ICK.

god i'm such a girl.

ah, comment on this one. i like getting comments. it makes me feel all wiggly inside.

*LOOK, HE'S MOWING! AND HE'S GOT A CIGARETTE!* (girls, mc.donalds, mr. lawn mower).

when did we get so funny? two days ago. yeah.

awwh i wish i a cowbooooy!

i want cowboy boots- damnit!

8 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[25 Apr 2004|09:41pm]
[ mood | determined ]

dear lord i wish i knew what you were trying to say.

4 weeks, camping.

i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress. i want a yellow dress.

gogan said he'd find a yellow outfit to match, now thats what i call love. haha.

it's ok, i already know, i'm hilarious.

i wore my pink jacket out today...bah- i was going to get my brother to take pictures, but i guess i never got around to it... hmm...

i want so badly to get my nose pierced...how hott would that be? yes, yes, very hott.

ok, it's time for me to go to sleep, damnit.

i decided i'm going to film a short film.

starting...tomorow.

that means, my own soundtrack. i think thats the entire reason i wanted to do this in the first place.

ok- ok, kiss nite- nite.

9 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[24 Apr 2004|07:00pm]
[ mood | content ]

DAMNIT. dam dam dam dam dam. and i dont care that i spelled that wrong. i just had a whole big entry, and my dumbass computer froze. damn you, damn you.

so anyways, the main jist of it was how i was pissed off the way greydon's been acting lately, and probably even jealous that he's going to prom w/... mickey? mandy? mindy? what the hell.

oh and, that i saw gogan today, he put me in a happy mood, and that i wish i could chill w/ my brother more.

even hanging out w/...with i dont know whho sounds appealing. someone who can drive, someone who rocks. besides emily, duh.


terin finally picked the college, carleton: minnesota. thats cool, because minnesota seems liek a rockin' state. its sorta sad tho, because we've gotten so close. damn you- life.


ok so i was expecting for this entry to be alot longer, but hmph- i wonder why. god damn technology.

EMILY- DROPPING ACID AT THE PARK

i was about to get up and go yell at some bitch-ass.

its a trail of people going to my house! AHH!

ok, thats enough. have a wonderful nite, EVERYONE. damn it.

4 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[22 Apr 2004|04:02pm]
[ mood | content ]

warning: large pictures ahead.
HOLY EFFIN A!Collapse )

4 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

sdl ajksh~ [19 Apr 2004|10:01pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

what the fuck would you like me to tell you? truths, or lies, either one will break you're heart, or...or nevermind.

maybe i was too nice to you, maybe i shouldn't care. maybe i should tell you know, maybe, maybe i'd rather just...just run away- without you following me, or anyone following me for that god damn matter.

bah- my stomache hurts and i feel a 'sweats' day comin' on.

SDLK;FJSDLKFJ;AEW,V..dl adslkfjas. alskjdf;lakjd!!!! . yes, yes.


p.s., NADIA- YOU ARE A HUGE GEEK, but thats ok, i like it like that.

(kidding, only kidding).

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its night time in the city and i just want to sleep. [18 Apr 2004|09:00pm]
[ mood | awake ]

tell me something i don't know.
tell me anything.

3 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

sometimes i wish you could see me now. [18 Apr 2004|04:56pm]
my attempt at being artistic- or deep. you pick.
3 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

we rode with the top down so i could see the stars. [15 Apr 2004|09:32pm]
[ mood | drained ]

i can't talk.
i can't sing.

all i need right now is a big glass of milk, someone to tuck me in, and a goodnight kiss. that's really all i want. all. i. want.

my mom's going to be gone when i wake up, and i'll be in the house by myself till saturday morning/afternoon. i'd usually think of this as a great oppurtunity, but no. my mom said before that i'm staying at emm's on friday night, but i just realized that i have no way to get to practice on saturday morning, at ten. so i told her, look mom, just go, stay away for the nite, and i'll be fine in the house. on my own, for once. we haven't talked about it since then.

right now, all i care about, is not coughing, and sleeping.

i just want a kiss- one kiss, from that one pair of lips. and maybe, maybe once i've got that, maybe things will be ok. maybe just thinking about you will be ok for me, maybe i won't need that anymore.

who am i kidding- god, it feels like i'm thinking about you 24/7 now, and i ALWAYS want to be around you. i want to hold your hand and kiss you on the cheek- crawl inside your jacket and pretend that you're the only one that knows i'm there.

i guess you could say i'm in over my head, that i've fallen too fast, too far. well, yes. i guess i didn't really realize how much this meant until now. maybe. just maybe.

thats all i want.

2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

bla bla bla SNIFF. [14 Apr 2004|01:14pm]
[ mood | sick ]

being sick sucks! yay!

hey- shes not THAT bad, is she?

2 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck. [10 Apr 2004|11:34pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

you aggravate me so fucking much. you don't have your own thoughts, your own words, you're own- you're own life for that matter. you make me sick, and one of these days, if you're not careful, i'm going to punch you. yes, punch you. yes, that means i am a little, immature girl who solves her problems with confrontation, but at least i can fucking admit it. right? the last time i did what you do, was way back in about...let's say the 5th grade. you're not even friends with all the people you say you are, and alot of people hate you. alot of people hate me too, but here i am, admitting it. again.

you can't spell.

you make me want to cry.

i can actually dress myself, and you can't.

f.u.c.k. y.o.u.

5 innocent bystanders ... join the fight

[08 Apr 2004|09:57pm]
there has been absolutely nothing to write about lately. bah- so, i didnt write. o well, i'm not all that ashamed. so, this is my lil post-eroo... and so it isnt text only-

tell me one more time that you love meCollapse )
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random, random pictures. [06 Apr 2004|10:53pm]






wow i'm so cool. i had fun w/ my earrings today. bah.
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baah! [04 Apr 2004|11:43am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

oh god how i love shoesCollapse )

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[28 Mar 2004|02:00pm]
[ mood | bored ]

i finished my book. i ate chinese food. i watched braveheart. good nite i'd say.

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cherry koolaid rocks my freaking socks. [25 Mar 2004|01:25pm]
[ mood | amused ]

days like these man- days like these.

we had a blast last nite- classic. there was literally a dozen girls over at holly's, and we sat around- watched some movies, played ping pong, tp'd gogans house and some random house we THOT was gregs, *cough, my fault, cough* and outran the cops. long live jordan and the soggy cookie! yum.

today's a carnivorous dinosaur day. yuuum. meat. i had a sausage then some BUISCUITS *shit i cant spell that for the life of me* and gravy!! chicken gravy...dude i love food- i am overly surprised i am not liek- huge.

i'm thinkin on takin over some lil goodies to my baby- to cheer 'em up- his favorites...what do you think?

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tears of- pain. [23 Mar 2004|08:39pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

i wipe a tear from my eye and hit myself inside my head. why am i even thinking of crying over this- over you? its over, its gone, in the past, and it was my decision. so why do i read the words, and i want to cry. i want to crawl back into his arms and roll up into a tiny ball that can fit in his palm. or the crook of his arm- someplace warm and soft where i know i'll be- i'll be loved forever.

i'm not quite sure how he feels about me right now, but as the days of summer slowly inch forward, the prospect of...of him- us...takes on a fresher color, brightening with each day.

am i that jealous fucker who never wants what she's got? i shiver and realize that all i want right now is to hear your voice, to feel your embrace.

anyone's embrace...anyone- ANYONE. hug me. hug me- pleasE?


"there are worse things you can do to the people you love than kill them."
- Lullaby- Chuck Palahniunk

p.s- i've missed my mommy.

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another night, another sigh. [15 Mar 2004|07:35pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

silent night
broken night
all is fallen when you take your flight
i found some hate for you
just for show
you found some love for me
thinkin' i'd go

dont keep me from cryin' to sleep
sleep in heavenly peace

silent night
moonlit night
nothing's changed
nothing is right
i should be stronger than weeping alone
you should be weaker than sending me home

i cant stop you fighting to sleep
sleep in heavenly piece

-- Damien Rice, O

p.s., i love feeling like this.

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my walk in the clouds with a piece of toast. [14 Mar 2004|12:13pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

its sunday, and theres nothing to do. i'm sitting here thinking about my possibilities, but i cant sit still very long. cramps. blargh. --you have to clean up the basement and your room before you can do anything-- my dad says, as if i have plans already. i wish i had something to do, but hazah- no luck.

i finally saw donnie darko last nite. i liked it alot, and it was also nice to see greydon. he's an awesome guy. just, just a great guy.

my mom finally got her new computer hooked up in here, so i might finally get some time to post and junk.

i feel as if i'm going to vomit for about the fifth time this week. maybe i have some weird disease that i'll never know about, until my mom suddenly finds me dead when she goes to wake me up. ah- *shrugs* sounds like my kinda drama.

i knew this would be a short post when i started writing, but i figure i have to write SOMETHING to keep all you freaks entertained. or maybe it was for my satisfaction, because... i'm just weird liek that. ok...

shitty post, but oh well- THATS ALL FOLKS!

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scary green toothbrush. [07 Mar 2004|12:47pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

it seems to me as if the days go by without time or meaning. another day...another minute- i'm in a place where a minute is truely equivalent to an hour- a day.

he's kissing me and all i can think of is him. no- not the right him- the wrong him. i miss him- and i want- is for him to miss me too.

i'm hungry like a bitch and yet there is absolutely nothing to eat in this house. we've got melt-away mints and peppermint patties...wonderbread and milk... but WHERE IS THE FOOD?

i am oh so sad because dad came home today with "once a day vitamins- for WOMEN." what does this mean? am i no longer allowed to have the smallest right to childhood- a chewable flinstone vitamin!? i might as well just die. seroiusly. ok maybe not- but does this mean that i'm actually growing up? does he finally see me as something other than his little baby girl? yes...yes this means no more math help, no good night kisses and wake up calls. i am me- and now, i swallow my womens vitamins.

o how emo i am.

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wow- annoyance. [06 Mar 2004|12:32pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

it really bothers me how people talk about love these days. love does not have a definition, its not a feeling, a look you get, its not "a special someone", is life. love is life, and it really bothers me when people can go on and on about it- describing how they'd die for their boyfriend/girlfriend. love doesnt need to be proven with words, or pictures. you annoy the hell out of me, all of you.

but then again, i just spent a full minute writing about stupid love. jesus christ.

well anyways- last night sucked a few big ones- not only did the 'rents and i get in a big ass argument, i was in doubled over pain- and i could have sworn my brother and mo *girlfriend* were screwing last nite. yeah- pretty damn sick.

emm~
i'm really sorry if what i did today seemed rude or mean. i just didnt think you could do anything today- so i guess i made other plans. whatever, theres not really any deserving excuse, so i'll shut up. but note: i'm sorry.

wow i'm really bored and havent gotten out of my pj-s yet, taylor is coming to pick me up in liek, 20 minutes, i should really...get dressed or something. ok


peace easy fellahs- k thnx bye.

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bla- morning sucks after a late night. [06 Mar 2004|11:41am]
[ mood | drained ]

You Are A Sweet Pussy!
Sweet Pussy. Ya know, it's no wonder everyone likes
you! *big smile*


What Kind of Pussy Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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ba ha ha ha. [05 Mar 2004|10:01pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

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<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/T/truthawaits/1075751349_nalization.jpg" border="0" alt="You are Rationalization! Rationalization is when you come up with justifications for your bad behaviors to make them seem more pleasant. You are the type of person that would say, "It's"><br>You are Rationalization! Rationalization is when<br>you come up with justifications for your bad<br>behaviors to make them seem more pleasant. You<br>are the type of person that would say,<br>"It's okay if I smoke. It's so much more<br>likely that I'll die of liver cancer from this<br>fifth I drink everyday!" You like to look<br>at WHY people do things...even if those reasons<br>are really dysfunctional. Future Career:<br>Motivational Speaker
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/truthawaits/quizzes/Which%20Freudian%20Defense%20Mechanism%20Are%20you%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which Freudian Defense Mechanism Are you?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>
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[05 Mar 2004|10:58am]

Jason Mraz is love sex mine.
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nina smelly- not gramma smelly. [03 Mar 2004|08:03pm]
[ mood | loved ]

i'm definately into the new definitions-

gramma smelly (adj): old smelling, as if a tire had sat for years upon years. ick.

nina smelly (adj): fragrant, bringing up wonderful or beautiful memories associated with certain smells.

hm- it took me 25 minutes to actually write that. stupid computer and people. wwhat sense does it make to say hi to someone and stop conversation after that?

WARNING: i will block you, if you ever do this. ever.

just the way he touches me makes me bite my lip- toss my hair and close my eyes to soak up the feeling. i'm such a girl.

i'm finally at a point where i can wear my hair down curly- or wavy, and just leave it... let its do its thing, which- lately, is liek, FRIZZ. i feel like an afro lady, but thats ok. whatever works.

the story you never heard.

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